he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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