I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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