my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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