I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
