sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
