About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
