I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
