Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
