I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
