I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
