I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
