I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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