She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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