I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
