I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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