i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
