I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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