There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my shit smells like andre
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
