Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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