Just cropdusted the office
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
