Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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