I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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