You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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