omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He shit in the fireplace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
