He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
