butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
