Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
