Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
