I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
