See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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