I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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