Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
