Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
