he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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