I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
