I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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