My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
