and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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