Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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