His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
