the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
