All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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