I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
