so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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