Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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