I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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