Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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