How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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