I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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