I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
