I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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