OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
