What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
