you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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