That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
