i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
