Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
