I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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