dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize