i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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