ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
honey bunches of taint.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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