so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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