last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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